Tell Your Brain to Bring you a Happier Thought

One of the best books I've ever read is Solve For Happy by Mo Gawdat.  In this book, he talks about what to do when our brain brings us an unhappy, insecure, fearful, worrisome, critical, comparing, or stressful thought. He simply says, "send it back for a happier one".   He talks about how the brain is full of "brain chatter" every day, but that the little voice in your head is not you.  Our brain is just presenting thoughts to us for our consideration.  If we don't like what it is presenting, then send it back for something different to present to us again.  He makes a distinct point to separate each of us from our thoughts.  He argues that if we perceive a thought in our head, then it can't be identified as a part of us.  For example, if we can't see the world below us, then we haven't left it.  Naughty thoughts do not equal a naughty person.  We can identify the voice as a separate entity, "The Brain" or "The Voice" or "Becky", but we are the boss.  We are each in charge and we each get to choose what we tell the brain to do.  So, if you don't like a thought that it has brought to you for consideration, send it back for a happier, better, or different one.  YOU CHOOSE!

How to Deal with Daily Anxiety

My husband is a psychologist and was recently on Studio 5 with 5 Ways we can manage daily anxiety:

How to Manage Daily Anxiety

It isn't about never feeling anxiety, it's about knowing what to do when you do!

Remember--we are RESILIENT!

Ruts

I was doing so good...what happened?  Anxiety is funny that way.  You can think you've licked it, put it behind you, gotten over it, relieved to have lived through that period of life.  And then one day--it's back.  "What the heck?" you wonder, but, there it is in all it's glory.  I think of it like a path through the jungle that has been worn by travel.  As you get anxiety under better control, you quit walking down that path and start hacking away a new path through the jungle with your machete.  Over time the jungle starts to grow over the old anxiety path, cover it up, reclaim that path so that's it's hardly visible.  But, underneath all the jungle overgrowth, there is still a path there and sometimes, we slip back in to that anxiety rut again.  I've concluded that once it's there, it will always be there.  But stay with me here.   That doesn't mean we have to walk down the path very often.  But we do need to respect that it's there and that it's a rut we can more easily slip in to than someone who has never dealt with anxiety.  So, knowing that it's there, what do we do to keep our feet on the new path we are creating and not slip in to the old rut of anxiety?

1) Acknowledge the reality.  When someone has diabetes, they don't try to hide it or brush it off or live in denial.  They just own it.  And they respect the new lifestyle they will need to have.  

2) Keep your tools sharp.  Hacking overgrowth in the jungle requires a sharp machete so that you can carve a new path.  Implement the tools that help you manage your anxiety.  If that means some yoga, or healthy eating, or mediatation or deep breathing or exercise your counselor gave you or whatever, be sure you're taking the time to do them.  Keep your machete sharp to help you make a new path, you'll be less likely to slip in to the old rut.  

3) Grow. Keep learning and growing.  Just like the jungle reclaims the old path, we can reclaim our healthy mental health by continuing to learn about anxiety and grow in knowledge.  Maybe it's a new treatment modality, or a new idea to try or a new medication or a new therapy.  Keep trying things to find what works for you.  Growing over the old anxiety rut takes time and patience, but it will happen if we just keep learning.  

4) No surprises.  When anxiety pops back in to our lives, we know what it is.  We've been down that path before and we can quickly recognize it for what it is, and all it is.   Don't be too alarmed by it, it's just the brain trying to protect us and doing a great job.  But, it's not fully informed.  There's no tiger chasing us and we can get back on track by not being alarmed that we feel anxiety again.   

5) Talk to someone and ask for help.  Sometimes we need our support systems to know what we're dealing with--again.  Take time to touch, talk, spend time together and tidy up the clutter in our lives. Those each help with getting back on a better path and out of the rut.  

Anxiety will ebb and flow.  There will be peaks and valleys.  Good days and bad days.  And that's ok, we know what to do when we find ourselves in anxieties familiar rut.  "Hello old friend, nice to see you, but I'm not here to stay."  There's not much of a path here anymore anyway! :)

Distressing NOT Dangerous

Years ago I went to a self help group called Recovery International.  I learned there some tools that have helped me in finding resilience.  One of the things the founder, Abraham Lowe, teaches is that anxiety is distressing not dangerous.  It's uncomfortable, not dangerous.   Anxiety is one of the most distressing feelings I know! Whether it's a feeling of panic or worry or fear or just inner turmoil, it's just so completely uncomfortable!   But it's a good thing to know that even though it feels distressing, it is not dangerous.  It has a loud roar, but it's really just a kitten with no claws.  It's very reassuring to remind yourself that even though you may feel like an elephant is sitting on your chest or your heart is pounding or your about to throw up, it's still not dangerous.  Anxiety is a mental health disorder, not a physical one.  Now you may be dealing with a separate physical illness or disorder and that may be a different scenario, but anxiety itself is not dangerous.  Say it over and over to yourself until you think it when you feel it.  And by all means remind yourself that you are capable of bearing discomfort.  Because you are.  We all are.  I'm in your court.  I'm on your team.  You aren't alone.   I've born a lot of discomfort and I'm still here.  And guess what?  So can you!! 

Leave a comment on how do you deal with distressing anxiety?

What is Resilience?

re·sil·ience

rəˈzilyəns/

1. 1.

   the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
2. 2.

   the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
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   Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes.   https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/resilience

“Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.” Elder Jeffrey R. Holland 

Be RESILIENT today!!!  And if not today, try tomorrow, or the next day.  

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51 Tools in my Toolbox

1. Do something enjoyable.  Take a walk, go see a movie, visit with a friend, get a massage, eat something delicious, make something, watch a sunset, get or give a foot rub, soak in a  bath.
2. Talk to someone you trust.  Brainstorm, seek help, vent, find strength, share heartache.  
3. Cry, sometimes a lot.  It releases emotion and rebalances the brain chemicals. If you feel numb, watch “My Life” with Nicole Kidman and Michael Keaton.  It will jump start the tears and help put things in perspective.  Mourn and hold each other while we cry.  http://www.care2.com/greenliving/7-reasons-why-crying-is-good-for-you.html
4. Deep breathe.  Breathe in slowly through the nose, hold for 3 sec.  Release through the  mouth, slowly.  Do it 10 times, several times a day.
5. Exercise.  Sweat, increase heart rate and lots of water. Just do it.  
6. Ponder on the most wonderful moments in the last year.  (Marjorie P. Hinckley)  Feel joy! 
7. Watch these when you want to feel joy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpGx4foRdPw  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bWyhj7siEY  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbY_aP-alkw  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uh4dTLJ9q9o  
8. Get enough sleep.  Go to bed early, get up late.  10 hours of uninterrupted sleep can do wonders for restoring perspective. 
9. Look to the Savior to walk your days with you.  Pray for Him to be with you and act in ways that place you beside Him.  Pray to know what He would have you do.
10. Read the scriptures so you can hear His answers.  This is how God speaks to us, so read and listen. (This can be hard, but keep trying)
11. Remember nothing lasts forever, and this whole life existence is just somewhere in the middle.  We existed before and we will exist after.  This is just the middle.
12. Remember the Atonement can make up the difference where we fall short.  Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, even temporal.  Rest in that.  
13. Keep connecting with those you love.  Make time to spend together, laugh together, cry together, hold each other and soothe each other. Look in to each others eyes and try sincerely to understand what they are feeling.  Connect and attach. 
14. Think positively about your ability to bear hard things.  I am strong.  I can bear hard things.  Like the Little Engine that Could, “I think I can” will turn in to “I thought I could”. Biology of Belief by Joe Dispenza too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W81CHn4l4AM
15. Live it once.  When it happens.  Don’t live it before or after.   Live it once.
16. Enjoy moments—even if sorrow, frustration, and fatigue return.   Live in the present.  
17. Keep the end goal in mind.  Remember where you are headed and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  (Eternal life)
18. Lower expectations and performance will rise.  It’s ok to say no.  Say, “Let me check on that”.
19. Do not give yourself unnecessary stress hormone (cortisol and adrenaline) dumps.  The only time those are helpful is in emergency’s (fire, bleeding, accidents, bears chasing you, etc).  There is no need to “HURRY!” or be intense—to ourselves or others.  We can’t afford the continual stress hormone dumps.  Just do the best you can and think ahead and let stuff go.  So many things just really don’t matter very much.  Dispense cortisol cautiously.  
20. Most things are phasic not basic. (Dr. Abraham Lowe.  Recovery International)  Life is made up of phases.  They are temporary and don’t last forever.  Things change.  Most things are not basic characteristics or foundational patterns, events or circumstances.  Remind yourself: “Some days are better than others”. 
21. Better is a good place to be.  Sometimes you’ll never regain exactly where you were before, and it’s ok, but better is a good place to be. 
22. Place yourself in places where you can feel the spirit.  Rest. Listen.  Take note.  Act. 
23. Remember we don’t know everything.  Farmer Story.  http://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/maybe-so-maybe-not/
24. Find small things to be grateful for.  Write them down. Keep a gratitude journal.  (this may come long after the crying, but has it’s place)
25. Remember there are good things to see in Holland.  If you got on a plane going to Rome and you landed in Holland, you won’t see Rome, and there’s disappointment there, but turns out there are wonderful things to see in Holland.  Get off the plane.  
26. Literally close your eyes and imagine crawling in to the Savior’s arms and resting there.  He is safe.  He is secure.  He is strong.  He is protection.  He is love.  Rest there, recoup, soothe, then you can go on again.  
27. Trust in God’s plan for you.  He can see the end from the beginning.  Trust Him.
28. Medication, even for a short period of time, can be helpful.  
29. Read 2 Timothy 1:6-7.  Ponderize it.  
30. Clean up your diet.  Watch “Forks Over Knives” on Netflix.  Read D & C 89 again.  My experience has been that more plant based eating is helpful.  Not magic, but helpful.  Sugar and Caffine, though tasty, are not helpful. 
31. Replace insecure thoughts with secure thoughts.  This is deliberate and a conscious choice. (Dr. Abraham Lowe, Recovery International)
32. Headspace Meditation app
33. Resilience A great book by Eric Greitens
34. Healing hand.  Place your hand over your heart and pat yourself.  Think: “there, there, it’s ok”.  Sometimes I acknowledge the pain and say, “Ouch, ouch, that hurts.”  Soothe and pat your heart space.  Self-soothing and comforting.  I use this a lot, anytime, anyplace.  
35. Music—uplifting and appropriate for the mood and mindset you're in.  
36. Get someone you love to hold you.  Don’t talk.  Or do if you want to.  But just hug till you release tension.  Take some deep breaths and feel safe and secure.  Rest here.  
37. Skin to skin.  Embrace or spoon and feel the warmth and security of being skin to skin.  Touch is a healing power.  
38. Drum therapy.  
39. Massage is incredibly helpful for anxiety.  Schedule one today! Just do it.
40. Go to the temple.  Do an endowment session, or if that’s too hard do initiatory, or if that’s too hard, go sit outside or if that’s too hard, just drive by.  But go, there is peace there. Remember the plan of salvation is real and it will all work out.  
41. “You are doing better than you think you are.” Elder Holland
42. Often with anxiety you feel like you can’t find the ground.  Your feet are unstable and the earth seems to shift under your feet.  You can feel like running away, going crazy, falling, irritable, frozen or just unsure of everything.  Reassure yourself that there is a foundation below your feet whether you can feel it or not.  Helaman 5:12.  Christ is a SURE foundation and it is there, even if you can’t feel it.  Keep walking, keep being obedient, keep building on that truth.
43. Don’t make any big decisions when you have anxiety.  Don’t cut your hair, pierce your nose, get a tatoo, drink alcohol, take drugs, move, leave your family or have an affair, change careers or quit your job.  Just don’t.  So much of what seems real, isn’t.  Anxiety is a mental illness, treat yourself as someone who is sick and needs help even if you don’t look that way.  Ask for help and support, it’s ok to be in need.  Find a good therapist or doctor and see them regularly.  It is common to have a constant radar beeping around and around trying to find what is making you feel anxious.  It isn’t your house, your spouse or your job.  It’s anxiety.  It has a name and it lies to you.  Don’t pay too much attention to the radar, it’s just your brain looking for relief.  Find it in safe ways that don’t have lasting consequences.  Sometimes change is needed, but do it when you can think more proactively not reactively to false data.  
44. Sometimes I left Sunday School, sometimes I went.  Both were ok.  Keep trying.
45. Repeat the things that speak truth or feel right to you.
46. There is the pain of discipline and the pain of regret, you can only avoid one.  Bo Eason.
47. Check your magnesium, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, Calcium, and Iron.
48. Natural supplements that help anxiety are: Sam-E, St. John’s Wort, Inositol, L-Theanine, GABA. Be sure not to take them with prescription drugs as they will interact.  Talk to your Dr.
49. Moroni 10:5.  “And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.”  Stay open to the spirit and keep your eyes open.  The spirit will direct you and help you find the things that will be helpful to you.  Watch for them!
50. Submission is a good thing.  Learning to submit actually strengthens our reliance on the Savior and the plan of salvation.  Have faith and hope in that.  
51. Alma 58:11

Where's the Tiger?

I woke up wondering where the tiger was.  My heart was pounding and racing, my breathing felt fast, a cold sweat dampened my pjs.  I blinked and squinted.  6:23 AM.  I was still in my bed.  It was warm and my hubbies calm, steady breathing beside me told me everything was ok so why was I panicked? Why was fear gripping my body and soul? Why was my nervous system stuck in fight, flight or freeze first thing in the morning?

Ahhhh.  Good morning anxiety, my old friend.  You've come to be with me again.  A twist on "the Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel.  Sounds of Silence

You feel real.  But you aren't real.  My good brain is just trying to protect me and keep me safe.  But, feeling paralyzed just isn't helpful so thank you brain for the alarm, but there's no tiger and I'm going to get up and get going with my day now!